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Joke of the Day

"I'm watching Olympic athletes run 1500m, while trying to figure out how I can make the Roomba drive 3m to the beer fridge for me."

"I opened what I thought was a can of whoop-ass, but it turned out to be Whoomp! And there it is, all over my floor."

"I finally got my shit together. It's pretty gross. Wanna see?"

"It's stupid to just ask ""where"" a sorority girl is when the more accurate question is ""where in Target"" is she."

"Research shows vacuum cleaners can cause hearing loss. ""You should absolutely get rid of that monster,"" said one furry, panting scientist."

"If the conversation gets too serious take your pants off."

"What is the temperature of the average coffin? 6 Below"

"Why did the twitter army lose all their battles? Because they kept retweeting."

"Why isn't George R.R. Martin allowed on Twitter? He only has 140 characters to kill"

"Want to hear a dirty joke? This boy trips and falls into some mud."