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Joke of the Day

"SURGEON (who is an octopus): scalpel NURSE: [sweating trying to figure out what arm to hand it to] yup one second"

"""What if we make headphones that stay in people's ears?"" ""Good idea Bob!"" [aside] ""Kill him and his whole family."" -Apple meeting"

"Why do you need to be 35 to be elected president? So women don't get elected."

"Why are you walking like that? ""Number one, I crashed my bike yesterday morning, and number two "" edit: grammar fix"

"What do I have in common with middle Eastern women? We both get stoned to death on a regular basis in public.. And nobody around seems to mind.. And some people ask for hits.."

"What did the redneck say to his ex? ""Can we still be cousins?"""

"Our website should have more colour more games more sound! Look what more do you want? Blood?"

"I should run for public office just to see the scandalous dirt they dig up on me. I would really like to piece together my twenties."

"What's the hardest part about making a manicure joke? You really have to nail it"

"TIL... Tomorrow I learned that Steve Buscemi was a volunteer firefighter on Sep...."