79958

Joke of the Day

"What did Mr. Orange say to Anna Banana when she asked what his first name was in rhyme world? Fuck off"

"I hate when my boyfriend's snoring wakes me up and then I realize it was my snoring and I don't have a boyfriend and I'm going to die alone."

"Why do you never find elephants hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it."

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? ...right where you put it."

"That awkward moment when I'm really drunk and you're still ugly."

"Why was the Butcher depressed? Because his life was in shambles."

"You eat what (phonetic joke)? Knock knock Who's there? I eat mop I eat mop who?"

"Some rude idiot just interrupted my afternoon nap by honking his horn just because the light turned green."

"Don't tell me what your cats' names are, I'll call'em what I want. Oh, Mittens & Snuggles? WRONG. THAT'S WILDSTYLE & THAT'S SNACKMOUTH."

"My 5th grade teacher said my life would never be worth anything but my wife paid a homeless man $3 to kill me so suck it Mrs. Jacobsen"