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Joke of the Day

"My 5th grade teacher said my life would never be worth anything but my wife paid a homeless man $3 to kill me so suck it Mrs. Jacobsen"

"Mom: Wanna help gift rap? Me: In West Philadelphia born and raised on the playgro-- oh you mean WRAP? Nah homegirl you're on your own."

"Question everything. Or should you?"

"What do you call it when an Irish band is caught lip syncing? Sham rock."

"Why don't Calculus majors throw house parties? Because you should never drink and derive."

"What goes above the water and below the water but doesn't touch the water? An egg in a duck."

"""Get a womb!"" - me when I see two babies making out."

"Can a woman make a man a millionaire? Only if he's a billionaire. Credits to Kevin Hart"

"Elsa My daughter just told me this before bed. Why is Elsa not allowed a balloon? Because she'll let it goooo"

"Who brings all the good little inclined plane girls and boys presents at Christmas? Slanta Claus."