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Joke of the Day

"When I get caught smoking in a restaurant, I pretend I'm blind and tell them the cigarette is my seeing eye dog."

"*confidently throws the empty macaroni box in the garbage because I don't need instructions* *pulls the box back out 3 times to make sure*"

"What's the #1 horror movie in the far east ? The Sirens of the Rams."

"That voice inside my head has a different accent every time I read a new tweet"

"Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on you. Fool me three times shame on you. It's always going to be you. It's NEVER me."

"chuck norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky."

"German girlfriend My german girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10. Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done."

"What's the hardest part about being a Vegan who does Crossfit and owns a Rescue dog? Deciding which to tell people first."

"What's a rabbits' favorite TV show? Hoppy Days."

"Restaurant A friend said she heard there's a wonderful restaurant on the moon, but nobody goes there because there's no atmosphere..."