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Joke of the Day

"Hey, remember me from last night? You gave me the wrong number but I found you on Facebook. I'm on your porch. Can I come in?"

"What do you call a pig with no legs? A groundhog"

"Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Four one to change it and the other three to deny it."

"What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? Same time next month?"

"Please don't make fun of the Holocaust My grandfather died by falling off the guard tower Edit: Spelling"

"Just got a $14 haircut at Great Clips because I'm worth it goddamnit."

"After hearing all this stuff about Russia being upset I'm just like... Oh Putin, Crimea river."

"What do you do if someone is having a seizure in the bathtub? Throw your laundry in."

"What's a pigs favorite morning tv show ? Morning Ham"

"deleted scenes are rarely worth the time but on Honey I Shrunk the Kids check out one where the dad thinks he's alone and starts jerking it"