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Joke of the Day

"Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Four one to change it and the other three to deny it."

"Yeah, I can't believe the shitty teenager making minimum wage at the coffee shop spelled your name wrong on your cup either."

"The stock market plunge of 2008 was worse than a divorce... I lost half of everything, but I still have my wife!"

"One of the great pleasures of living in a city is walking by a pile of bloody clothes and thinking, ""Someone else will take care of this."""

"Mother: I raised you both as a mother and a father. Son: Go fuck your self."

"If I've learnt anything from Zombie movies it's that people meat is pretty damn stringy."

"I've adjusted my insults to be more pc Instead of calling people gay, I call them straight."

"Just bought a Jehovah Witness Advent calendar... Every time you open a door, a voice tells you to fuck off."

"The Japanese flag is actually just a pie chart.. ..about how many of them are scared of Godzilla."

"What did the boy with no hands get for christmas? Gloves! Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet."