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Joke of the Day

"Just got a $14 haircut at Great Clips because I'm worth it goddamnit."

"This weekend is daylight savings time, which means the clock on my microwave will be right again."

"What did the watch say when the necklace, earrings, purse and ring killed the shoes? I won't be an accessory to this."

"Bi-Polar Bears usually attack without warning, then sob for hours while eating leftover walrus."

"Worst name for a group of election tellers. The tally-band."

"The best things in life are free. Unless it's herpes. Stay away from people who want to give you free herpes."

"Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he's walking around like a sour puss."

"If there are two things Trump voters hate... The first is being called, ""racist."" And the second is black people."

"Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president. We need Batman now more than ever"

"People that whip their seats back on airplanes are almost certainly terrible lovers."