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Joke of the Day
"I almost got fired for watching internet porn at work. Instead I got fired for masturbating."
Next Joke
"Wearing my bathing suit as underwear in case a random pool party breaks out sounds way better than too lazy to do laundry."
"Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed."
"My friend just got a pool table for Christmas so he gave me a call inviting me around for a pool tournament with the boys. I said thanks for the invite but I prefer to pool by myself."
"I really wanted to make a Zelda joke But there is no Links allowed."
"Why couldn't the pregnent women watch all of the Harry Potter movies? Because they lactate."
"If you eat guns, you'll sweat bullets. It's science."
"What does a woman get every month that lasts 3-5 days? Her husband's salary."
"F.Y.I. ~~ hand jobs from girls who speak sign language....do in fact, count as blow jobs"
"I've never been on Jeopardy, but I have put a 4yo to bed, so I know what it's like to be asked about things you never even heard of."