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Joke of the Day

"What does a woman get every month that lasts 3-5 days? Her husband's salary."

"So I went to the bank to check my balance Next thing I know, the teller pushes me."

"I like to remind my kids who's boss by putting a cherry tomato on top of their ice cream sundaes every once in a while."

"A cactus as a houseplant is a good way to let people know that you've killed every other living thing that you've ever been responsible for."

"Other people's children are my form of birth control."

"You are a sad, strange little man... That's what she said!"

"ME: ""This might be a dumb question..."" SCIENTIST: ""There's no such thing as dumb que--"" ME: ""Am I a dragon?"""

"Why don't you want to win an award for Best Feline Sphincter? Because it's a catastrophe :-) Yeah, ok, I'll be going now. EDIT: removed explanation."

"A black man and a Pakistani fell from a cliff. Which landed first? The black man because the Pakistani was a shade lighter."

"I was out of town and I asked for directions, but the guy just mooned me. I thought he was a bit cheeky."