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Joke of the Day

"Why was everyone saying such kind, loving words to the man? The man was a corpse being buried forever."

"A man asks his wife what she wants for Valentine's Day. ""I want you to get something that will make me look sexy,"" she says. So he goes shopping and returns home with a case of beer."

"Knock knock. Who's there? Gettuda. Gettuda who? Gettuda choppa!"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Some obscure number that you'll never understand."

"What do a priest and a swimmer who came in second have in common? The both came in a little behind"

"What's grey and comes in pints? An elephant."

"Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies! ^tee ^hee"

"What do you call a Chinese prostitute with no legs? Dragon Lips."

"Don't be ashamed of who you are. That's your parents' job."

"Doing crazy things in public and not caring because you're with your best friends."