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Joke of the Day

"Hear about the malaysia airlines pizza delivery order? Two large planes."

"Some old lady at the bank asked me if I could help her check her balance. Turns out pushing the old bitch to the ground was a bad idea."

"When I get real bored I like to drive down town and get a great parking spot then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving."

"At this point in my life... At this point in my life, i drink so i can smoke and I smoke after the bad decisions i made wile drinking, then I drink to forget that I am dying of lung cancer."

"The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn't amused when I said, ""I don't think it's working"""

"What do you call an Irishman who slept out on the lawn all night? Patty-O`Furniture"

"Batman: Nobody will ever know the location of the bat cave! Iron Man: Here's my home address: 10880 Malibu Point, 90265. I'll keep the door unlocked"

"The Snake Handler The snake handler suffered from a reptile dysfinction"

"Naming yo dick 'Pain' for emo chicks cuz they are suckers for pain..."

"""When I learned how to edit videos I felt like the Flash..."" Friend: ""Why, because you fast learner?"" Me: ""No, because I fucked up the timeline."""