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Joke of the Day

"""When I learned how to edit videos I felt like the Flash..."" Friend: ""Why, because you fast learner?"" Me: ""No, because I fucked up the timeline."""

"Your Uncle Jack Hello there... I would like to ask you a question about helping an old man......... IF UNCLE Jack HELPS YOU off an ELEPHANT would YOU Help UNCLE Jack OFF AN ELEPHANT?"

"Did Noah include termites on the ark?"

"I sent ten puns to an online contest... I was hoping at least one would win a prize but no pun in ten did."

"When women get to a certain age they start accumulating cats. This is known as the many paws."

"whats the difference between a girl and a bus? ""What's the difference between a girl And a bus"" ""What?"" ""As more people that go in the bus the tighter it gets"""

"Two cannibals are eating a comedian ""Does this guy taste a little funny to you?"""

"Did you hear the news about half-life 3 Me neither"

"I hate when my son does something wrong & he puts the blame back on me for not wearing a condom 10 years ago. Who can argue with that logic?"

"Q: What is a bellybutton for? A: It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down."