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Joke of the Day

"Some old lady at the bank asked me if I could help her check her balance. Turns out pushing the old bitch to the ground was a bad idea."

"I went to visit my Grandpa... My Grandpa said, ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"I like my coffee like I like my slaves... *Free*."

"""Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you've been wearing the same outfit all week is you"" - my fashion blog"

"Husband, Wife and Doctor Joke Doctor: Your husband needs a proper rest. Here are some sleeping tablets. Woman: When will he have these? Doctor: It's for you, not for him."

"What did the chinese billionaire say after buying the deer with no eyes? I have no Idea."

"Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one's gonna mistake a different turtle for you."

"Psychic Apprentice is ready! Psychic Apprentice: I'm ready to open my own shop. I quit. Psychic: I knew this day would come."

"When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? When there's a sail on it."

"Hillary's mad at Satan Hillary: Satan! We had a deal! Where's the election victory that you promised me? Satan: Where's the soul that you said you had?"