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Joke of the Day

"What does a prostitute and a lawyer have in common? They both screw you for $300 per hour. What's the difference? Most prostitutes have standards."

"Genderqueers must have a tough time scheduling.. Because they don't have agenda"

"Two guys are drinking at the country club bar... First guy says, ""Hey, you want to go play some golf?"" Second guy says, ""No, not today."" ""Why not?"" ""Because I never drink and drive."""

"*discovering flying dinosaur* PALEONTOLOGIST: We'll call it pterodactyl, for ""wing fingers"" ME: *crumples up note that says skynosaur*"

"A photo caption in the paper this am ""Bertha the ostrich take a break."" A break from what? Ostriching?"

"Hendrik Lorentz walks into a bar... He sits down at the counter. The bartender asks ""Why the long face?"" Lorentz replies ""What do you expect? I'm barely moving"""

"My wife is paralysed from the waist down Insensitive cunt."

"Me: Do you think its strange to talk to yourself? Me: No."

"I had a dream that a priest took a dump on my front lawn holy shit"

"How do Jews shower? The same as you idiot. First we get nice and we.. Wait, it's a trap! The gas its too mu... faint scream"