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Joke of the Day

"Q: How do ghosts fly from one place to another? A: By scareplane."

"Dentist: ""You don't need to open your mouth any wider. When I pull your tooth I expect to stand outside."""

"My card got declined buying toilet paper shit."

"What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large."

"Me: *puts six steaks on the grill* Wife: Don't you think that's too much? It's just us and the kids. Me: Wait, you guys are eating, too?"

"Why did everyone hate the shoe company? It had no soul."

"If you don't like the way you look naked, remember; by the time you have your clothes off, its the other person's problem."

"[on quiz show] ""and if you won some money today keith, what would you do with it?"" *leans way too close into the microphone* spend it alex"

"I introduced my friend to my first wife. She said she was actually going to divorce me if I kept calling her that."

"I wouldn't bother making a joke about an infinite line No point."