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Joke of the Day

"Me: *puts six steaks on the grill* Wife: Don't you think that's too much? It's just us and the kids. Me: Wait, you guys are eating, too?"

"One social worker asks another ""What time is it?"" The second replies, ""I don't know, I'm not wearing a watch."" The first says, ""That's OK, the important thing is we talked about it."""

"What do you tell a girl who won't stop asking for a tampon? Put a sock in it."

"Juror:We find the defendant- *pizza guy bursts in* ""Ive got 2 pizzas for Not Guilty"" Defendant: Im Not Guilty Judge:NOT GUILTY *bangs gavel*"

"What's worse than the Holocaust? Winning the jackpot in two separate lotteries at the same time."

"When a farmer fucks a sheep, do you know why he does so at the edge of a cliff? So the sheep will push back."

"Rap is like a mountain. It's mostly black, but the top is white."

"What do you call a woman who dyes her hair red? Transginger."

"The only thing worse than girls going after the ""Bad Boy"" is today's perception of what a Bad Boy is."

"Bought that new Mac Book Pro today. Apparently they crush up 100 Japanese children's retinas too make the display. Or something. I zone out."