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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full I heard this on a radio show and thought it was worth sharing"

"Do you know about the constantly airborne bird species native to Holland? It Netherlands."

"A spider crawled across my leg while I was driving and of course that fcuker survived the crash."

"So Chris Brown has quit music... Unsurprisingly, he has beaten Rihanna to it."

"I have a bad habit of screaming during rectal exams. It really makes my patients nervous."

"My work ethic could best be described as ""procrastinate as much as possible then frantically scream OH FUCK right before the deadline."""

"Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked."

"The US Government"

"My dishwasher died the other day.... Does anyone have an extra wife i can borrow/have?"

"It looks like I'm missing a lot of tweets. They were probably so great the Library of Congress just couldn't wait to archive them."