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Joke of the Day

"I masturbate so much in the shower I get wet when it rains"

"Why is James Bond's favourite bartender played by Michael J Fox? He doesn't need to tell him to shake the martini."

"A new mint flavored contraceptive taken before sex... called Predickamints."

"It's not gay when it's a three-way... ...unless you're all guys. Then, it's pretty gay. I mean, in a good way. No judgment here. Really, enjoy yourselves."

"Why did the terrorists have to blow up a Paris nightclub? Because their planes kept missing the Eiffel Tower."

"I named my dog Rembrandt That way I can say ""have you seen my Rembrandt?"""

"[Lions watching a romantic comedy about humans] Why doesn't he simply mount her with no apparent warning?"

"After 30 years of shopping, my wife still has nothing to wear today."

"Some things are better left unsaid, but I'm probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway."

"Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? He was looking for a tight seal."