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Joke of the Day
"Did you hear about the guy ducking charges of sheep rape? He's on the lam."
Next Joke
"It's so embarrassing when someone gets to second base with me and finds crumbs in my bra."
"Wife: [watching the news] oh God, did you see Petsmart got robbed?! Me: [loud barks coming from all 19 pockets of my parachute pants] nope"
"JUST ONCE MORE! PLEEEEEEASE? I PROMISE THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME! LET ME DO IT AND I'LL NEVER ASK AGAIN! -Liam Neeson pitching ""Taken 3"""
"Before Twitter, I used to be stupid in the privacy of my own mind."
"News knowledge is important. I was discussing with a guy about the Gaza Strip. He thought it was the adhesive side of a maxi pad."
"This morning they were out of cinnamon buns at the coffee shop so I asked for an antonym bun. I hate when people roll their eyes."
"What is yellow and cannot swim ? A yellow digger. Why can't it swim ? It has only one arm"
"difference between a crow and a raven one has 4 pinion feathers and the other has 5 pinion feathers, so the difference is a matter of a pinion"
"Death be not proud. Death not so great with words, but happy to go out with any girl you want fix Death up with."