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Joke of the Day

"Wife: [watching the news] oh God, did you see Petsmart got robbed?! Me: [loud barks coming from all 19 pockets of my parachute pants] nope"

"What happens if you steal in Afghanistan? You get Talibanned"

"Best excuse for missing work The voices told me to clean the guns."

"My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club. I replied ""Don't mention it."""

"['90s] I just got a new computer. It's called ""The Tyson."" It comes with two bytes and no memory."

"Just heard Kim Kardashian's new song. All I'm going to say is that, for as many black dudes as she bangs, I expected more."

"What did Who the clown use as his clown horn? Who nose?"

"My abusive father always tells jokes His favorite part is the Punch Line."

"What do you call a bee that was born in the USA? USB"

"My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!"