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Joke of the Day

"Women have a good 6th sense. I smiled at a girl in the mall once. When I got home I opened the door and my wife met me with a drop kick."

"Glove modeling is a very stable career path... ... you are sure to get a hand job every day."

"My grandma won the local grocery store's anual dance competition. She didn't miss a beet."

"Dear waiter, You messed up my order because you didn't write it down. I employed your strategy while calculating the tip. Love, David"

"Naming your daughter after a luxury car or precious gemstone is a wager with the universe that your parenting can make her not be a stripper"

"My wife said ""vase"" wrong so I corrected her and now we know that it can just barely fit over my head."

"The National Shredded Cheese Council just endorsed Donald Trump for president... They're ready to make America grate again."

"I have 5 uncles. Scott, Daniel, Bob, Tate, And the one that works at Nintendo."

"How do you make a plumber cry? Murder his family"

"My trainer said with enough sacrificing I could get a 6-pack. He's full of shit & I have 4 dead goats & 17 decapitated chickens to prove it."