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Joke of the Day

"So...Donald Trump was on The View today. I kept rewinding it and watching it trying to spot Elizabeth Hasselbeck's boner."

"Why did the programmer get a job at the photographers? They needed a developer."

"A couple orders a pie at a luxury restaurant The husband eats 4/7 of the pie and the wife the rest. He paid 4.5$ more than her. How much did the pie cost? Answer in comments"

"Knock Knock Who's there ... Fuck You"

"Boss: Good suggestions at the staff meeting today, Bill. Me: I talk in my sleep?"

" I don't do different things... It's just that I do things differently!"

"My family seemed kinda happy that the rice I made yesterday fell on the floor before I could serve it tonight."

"the reason i dont wear specific colors on 9/11 when someone asks me why im not wearing red on 9/11 i tell them ""because im not celebrating a muslim holiday"""

"My wife yelled, ""This is the LAST TIME I'm going to tell you to take out the trash"", and I thought, thank goodness THAT is finally over."

"Grocery shopping on a diet is easy in Germany.. Just look for the *gluten tag*."