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Joke of the Day

"Doctor Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh dear that's a lot of calories !"

"A man walks into a psychologists office... wearing nothing but saran wrap. The psychologist says ""It's a good thing you came. I can clearly see your nuts"""

"The other day I saw a sheep pole dancing in a kebab shop."

"Two electrons are having a conversation... Electron 1: Do you know why they call it the XBOX 360? Electron 2: Why? Electron 1: Because when you see it, you spin 360 degrees and walk away!"

"What cause of death did the doctor give for a patient whom died after staring at a woman's behind? assfixation"

"If being a success was a sound, I bet it would sound a lot like this air pump I'm using to inflate my new furniture."

"What about breakfast teaches us the difference between ""interested"" and ""committed""? In a ham and egg sandwich, the chicken had an interest, but the pig is committed."

"Why is there no Windows 9 ? Because Windows 7 8 9."

"People always say I make things sound sexual but I try not to pry them open and force my thick throbbing opinion down inside them."

"""I do not negotiate with terrorists!"" said me, everyday, multiple times a day, to my children."