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Joke of the Day

"If being a success was a sound, I bet it would sound a lot like this air pump I'm using to inflate my new furniture."

"My mom always said to wash the food before eating it She was a great woman. Not so her sandwiches."

"Why are astrophysicists always nervous before they launch a new satellite? It can be a very Hubble-ing experience. These jokes may not be funny for you, but they are Fermi."

"""No one cares about the jews"" ""Yeah, they do"" ""No they don't. During the holocaust i killed 3 jews and one clown"" ""Why one clown?"" ""See? No one cares about the jews"""

"I was on TV last night When I'm drunk, I sleep anywhere."

"Your secret is safeish with me"

"What is black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron."

"I'm gonna steal a bunch of Jesus fish off minivans and then put them back three days later."

"Jon Snow contracted malaria after getting stabbed... ""How did you get malaria from a stab?"" ""Malaryan Steel."""

"Why did the Mexican push his wife over the cliff? Tequila"