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Joke of the Day

"""I do not negotiate with terrorists!"" said me, everyday, multiple times a day, to my children."

"The 7 Drug Habits Of High, Ineffective People"

"An anatomical original Thought you'd like a pun. What sound does a pigeon make when kicked in the nuts? [A high coo](/spoiler)"

"I'm not superstitious, I'm just kindastitious!!!"

"When you're sliding into first.... Inspired by a LeBron James thread from /pics of all things.... What's your favorite?"

"What's the difference between a Baby Hobbit and Taco Bell? One throws shire fits, and the other gives you fire shits."

"Since 1782, at the age of 12, Beethoven was composing some of the greatest music ever, of course since 1827 all he has been doing is decomposing."

"If humans were chickens, the French Revolution would've been a lot funnier... because after cutting someone's head off, their headless body would run around a few times."

"How many terribly overused Vine memes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ***19, you dumbass. Its 19. not twenty-fucking-one.***"

"I'm surprised the Pope didn't tweet from an Android, considering humanity and God's experience with apples."