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Joke of the Day

"People always say I make things sound sexual but I try not to pry them open and force my thick throbbing opinion down inside them."

"I hate it when my wife asks if I've been drinking and I accidentally respond with a 9-minute air guitar solo."

"A very Fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk, 'i would like to see a bikini that fits me' Clerk...'me too'"

"Concerning math jokes What does a mathematician do when he gets a constipation? - He works it out with a pencil"

"Nice guys finish last. And with me, women don't finish at all."

"There are only two types of people in this world... People who pee in the shower, and motherfucking liars."

"I'd have a longer attention span if things weren't so shiny"

"Saying that you were touched by Jesus... ...is a completely different story in a Mexican prison."

"What's the difference between a strip club and a circus? A circus is full of cunning stunts."

"My favorite prostitute told me she was a licensed psychologist... Blew my mind."