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Joke of the Day

"If I have an erection for more than 4 hours, she is going to need to see a doctor."

"The hardest part about coaching Little League is remembering not to say, ""MOTHERFUCKER FIRST FUCKING BASE GODDAMMIT SHIT!!!"" all the time."

"Jesus fed 5000 people with one fish. Holy mackerel."

"I'm going to put my limbs into each corner of a fitted sheet and attempt to become a sugar glider."

"What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer."

"Home is where the Wi-Fi is."

"I slept in my sons crib last night I wanted to see what all the fuss was about."

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me Than a frontal lobotomy."

"Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies."

"I spent $500 on that Harvard application, damn right I framed the rejection letter."