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Joke of the Day

"I'm seriously disappointed by /r/goldbenefits. Not even one name appeared in the Panama papers."

"My kid just put on an apron and made homemade brownies so forget the world, I'm not even the best mom in my house anymore."

"""It's not you, it's me"" - DiGiorno, to delivery"

"A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York. At last one man could stand it no longer. ""Hey kid"" he shouted. ""Why don't you go outside and play?"""

"The other day I was scraping leftovers into the garbage... ...and I couldn't help but think of those poor kids in Africa who don't have any garbage bins."

"You what's great about dick jokes? They're just so easy to slip in there"

"I'm glad I haven't seen any German sausage jokes.. they are just the wurst!"

"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph... Cause he's not a full ese"

"Do NOT lower your standards to ""keep"" anyone. Make them meet you at YOUR level. Self respect is power."

"ME: i'd like to get rid of all this PERSONAL TRAINER: you're just making like one sweeping gesture around your entire body ME: and my head"