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Joke of the Day

"My kid just put on an apron and made homemade brownies so forget the world, I'm not even the best mom in my house anymore."

"What letter is like a vegetable? The letter P."

"Remember kids -- it may be illegal to text and drive; but you can still lawfully handwrite someone a heartfelt letter at 50mph."

"I went to get myself a glass of punch but..."

"I'm working on a book for dyslexics right now. It's incredibly difficult, cause I'm doing it all in palindromes."

"Did you hear what happened to the fly on the toilet seat? He got pissed off."

"If you want to feel the bern Have unprotected sex."

"I just thought of the most badass hobbit name: Oak Smashfoot. Oh god, I'm so tired."

"No child left behind! Act of 2001, The legislation was proposed by President George W. Bush Behind what? behind the Front line. . ."

"I shaved my legs and now my socks keep falling down. Life is hard."