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Joke of the Day

"Do NOT lower your standards to ""keep"" anyone. Make them meet you at YOUR level. Self respect is power."

"My old dog What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs? Nothing. He wont come when you call."

"Hey Gillette commercial, Want to impress me with your Razors? Have Robin Williams shave his arms with one..."

"RIP evaporated water.... ...You will be mist"

"Did you hear about the constipated chancellor? He couldn't budge it :P"

"Being successful is like getting pregnant.. ..Everyone will come to congratulate you but no one dares to ask how hard and how many times you were fucked."

"Hubby: ""Why don't you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?"" Wife: ""I don't want to bother you while you are at work."""

"The American school system is a lot like an EA game... It's mostly broken and if you pay more money you can access things that make you have an advantage over everyone else."

"You haven't experienced awkward until you tickle someone who isn't ticklish."

"Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are both on a sinking ship... Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are both on a sinking ship; both of them are drowning. Who gets saved?!? The answer: AMERICA!!!"