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Joke of the Day

"Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You would too if your name was WARRGELBLAFFENGAR!!!!!"

"""Favorite"" seems like a strong word. There should be a button that's more just ""Hey, fun Tweet. This is fun. We're having fun."""

"When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally. Classic rook-y mistake."

"I had children for two reasons; I wanted to start a loving family, and I needed a quick excuse to leave things."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Sumo Barbie ...comes with thong"

"Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion."

"The grass is always greener on the other side Because if we let you in you'd just ruin it for the rest of us."

"Saw a chameleon today... must've been a really shitty chameleon."

"The elevators are broken & I work on the 17th floor. Pretty sure I'm the first person ever to use the phone in reception to call in sick."

"Ladders causes more accidents in homes than guns That's why I have 10 guns, incase some psycho tries to sneak in a ladder. Gravity Falls has the best jokes."