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Joke of the Day

"""Favorite"" seems like a strong word. There should be a button that's more just ""Hey, fun Tweet. This is fun. We're having fun."""

"Two clocks are sitting around, when a man walks up the man takes away the clocks little hands and walks away. The clocks then yell at him, saying ""You can't do that, it's hours!"""

"How do you kill bread? Bake it for a little while, and it will be toast."

"Helen keller sets down a cheese grader and says... That was the most violent book i've ever read"

"I went Christmas shopping at Best Buy..."

"Which character in Game of Thrones do I envy the most? Some bloke named Winter. Managed to go 4 years without cumming."

"What would you get if you cross breed a Borg with a Ferengi? A scientologist."

"ARTEMIS: No man shall boast he has seen Artemis bathe! *turns Acton into a stag* [Artemis nudes go viral, 2.2M viewers turn into stags]"

"My mom keeps walking in everytime I watch porn. I'm just glad she doesn't know I'm watching it."

"Guy gets wife roses. She says ""I guess this means you want me on my back w my legs in the air?"" He says, ""Why, we don't have a Vase?"