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Joke of the Day

"My washer and dryer are doing this weird thing where they've started shrinking my clothes and adding stubborn fat around my midsection"

"I think I'll tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage."

"I was at the bank earlier and an elderly lady asked me to check her balance for her I still don't understand why she was mad when I pushed her over"

"My uncle used to sell cheap inflatable dolls They always went down on the customer."

"How many Nazis does it take to screw in 6 million lightbulbs? One. The rest were just following orders."

"If my wife ever hired a private detective to follow me, it would be to get pictures of me not using the coupons I said I used."

"Q. What is a brunette between two blondes? A. An interpreter."

"I lost a very dear friend and drinking buddy in a tragic accident this weekend. He got his finger caught in a wedding band."

"When is a door not a door? When its ajar xD"

"What's the difference between jews and girl scouts? The girl scouts come back from the camp."