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Joke of the Day

"You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store."

"Why is the letter N the most powerful letter? Because it is in the middle of TNT."

"If you didn't want me to wash my car on your lawn than you never should have turned your sprinkler on."

"""As one door closes, another one opens,"" he said. ""That's all well and good,"" I said, ""But until you fix it, I'm not buying the car."""

"what do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! :D"

"The teacher asked Jimmy, ""Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"" Jimmy replied crying, ""Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"""

"You know how I know we are gonna have sex? I'm stronger than you!"

"What's 41 times 11? I can't find the answer anywhere."

"I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems"

"Even if I had a refrigerator with glass doors; I would still stand there with the door open."