199691

Joke of the Day

"oh these 2 bleeding dots on my neck? uhhh no i'm not a vampire, some crazy dude stabbed me with 2 pens. hey can you toss me a bloodweiser ;)"

"If all the animals on the equator were capable of flattering Then halloween and thanksgiving would fall on the same day"

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea? Nobody's ever paid money to have a lentil on their face."

"I am opening a new restaurant... ...called ""Whatever. I Don't Care"". Gonna make a killing on date night."

"What did u do last night? Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows? Me [covering tub of dead birds]: is that the saying?"

"I've asked a question, ignored the answer and been too ashamed to ask again, way more times than I'd like to admit."

"""Darling, can I go out in this dress?"" ""Yes dear, it's already dark out."""

"American Horror Story: Public Restroom"

"What type of skiing do Jews prefer? Shlalom"

"What did the bartender day to the man who was drinking his vodka to fast? Stop ""Russian"""