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Joke of the Day

"I phoned my work this morning and said, ""Sorry boss, I can't come in today, I have a wee cough."" He said, ""You have a wee cough?"" I said, ""Really? Cheers boss, see you next week!"""

"Yes,I put my kid on a leash. I'm not scared of her being abducted. I just REALLY wanted a puppy instead."

"Question: What do you say if you want someone to hold the lift? Ans: Hodor"

"On Viagra Guidlines If I was ever able to keep an erection for more than four hours, I would be calling the girl with a visible thong who handed me a pencil in calc, not my doctor"

"A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos."

"It's fine when Santa does it, but when I see you when you're sleeping & know when you're awake it's ""creepy"" and ""sir, you're under arrest"""

"Two gay men were having a few drinks One said ""Bottoms up!"" The other got topsy."

"Few things are creepier than someone saying ""I know"" after you introduce yourself."

"Nice try, self check out lanes. There's not even any mirrors."

"Bears eating a clown Two bears finish eating a clown and one of them asks the other ""Did he taste funny to you?"""