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Joke of the Day

"*skydiving* Jumper: Where's your parachute? Married Guy: Don't need one J: There's no chance of survival MG: Not trying to beat the odds"

"I went to the doctors with hearing problems He said ""Can you describe the symptoms?"" I said ""Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"""

"How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh? Ten tickles"

"Why do blondes have more fun? They're easier to find in the dark."

"I recently took up meditation..... It beats sitting around doing nothing"

"The first thing I do in the shower is wash my asshole. Just wanna get that shit out of the way."

"How do you get Akbar to shut up? Muzzle'm."

"I can't wait until humans move to a new planet and someone says, 'Remember having 24-hour days?' and some jerk responds, 'First world problems.' -Geoffrey Asmus"

"A computer developer after spending time with his girlfriend And after he makes love to her he tells her that they're compatible together and to not update the drivers"

"What do you call a shed full of colored folk? Antique farm equipment!"