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Joke of the Day

"The first thing I do in the shower is wash my asshole. Just wanna get that shit out of the way."

"What is heavier -- 200 pounds of bricks or 200 pounds of feathers? 200 pounds of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds."

"I'm not going to make my daughter choose a religion, I'll explain the differences & when the time comes she can choose either Marvel or DC."

"What do you give the guy who has everything? Penicillin"

"[Jr. Biology class, girls in jumpsuits burst in] OK, who's ready for fun? We're The Photosynthesisters & we're gonna talk 2 U about PLANTS!"

"I know you didn't sneeze. I said ""God bless you"" because your baby is ugly."

"Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don't get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case..."

"Why was Ed single? Because Sheeran away."

"Glad marijuana is being legalized. It sure helps coping with the election results."

"What should female robots NOT come standard with. A sound card..."