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Joke of the Day

"I went to the doctors with hearing problems He said ""Can you describe the symptoms?"" I said ""Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"""

"Someone stole my coffee. He was charged with mugging."

"Whaaa? You taste brides? RT MatrooKiBijlee: Bridal tasting was a success! The only thing I regret is not taking pictures. But still...."""

"Funny Jokes, I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."""

"What is the same with you, a pet cat, and a pet dog? All of them are adopted"

"[ear is bleeding for 3 days straight] hmm better keep an eye on that. [laptop slow for one second] i gotta run AdWare & antivirus right now"

"When someone reads your message, then never responds, it's just hurtful. I mean, what else could they possibly have going on at 3 AM?"

"So this baby seal walks into a club... ..."

"Me: Close your eyes. Give me your hand, darling. Can you feel my heart beating? Do you unders... Dr:(removes stethoscope) Really? Everytime?"

"There was a kidnapping in my school today. Thank god he woke up."