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Joke of the Day

"I can't wait until humans move to a new planet and someone says, 'Remember having 24-hour days?' and some jerk responds, 'First world problems.' -Geoffrey Asmus"

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"How do they dance in Arabia? Sheik-to-sheik (cheek)."
"If I'm ever on life support, unplug me, let me sit for 15-30 secs, plug me back in and see if that works."
"A gentleman is ... a man who gets out of the shower to take a pee"
"Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? Because they push two Twins together to make a King."
"A redhead tells her blonde stepsister... ...""I slept with a Brazilian...."" The blonde replies, ""Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"""
"[interview for an accounting job] Your resume says your greatest strength is using idioms. How can that help in this job? ""You do the math"""
"I shouldn't have plugged my iPhone into the PC at the Kitchen It's now in the sync."
"Gender math Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage"
"Woman next to me at coffee shop just asked a guy who's farther away to watch her computer for a sec. Devastated."