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Joke of the Day

"Latest news from the FIFA corruption scandal: Shock announcement from FIFA's Ethics Committee: ""FIFA has an Ethics Committee"""

"My experience at the doctor's.... So I went to the doctor's office today and he told me I had to stop jerking off. I asked why. He said ""Because I need to give you your physical."""

"What's the Hitler Youth's favorite weather? Heil"

"I invited Alan over for dinner. ""Alan Jacobs? Or Alan who thinks he's Captain America?"" *a badly painted bin lid smashes through the window*"

"""We don't have iced coffee"" Me: ""You have coffee?"" ""Yes"" Me: ""You have ice?"" ""Yes"" Me: ""Were you raised in a barn?"""

"Showers: never want to get in, then never wanting to get out."

"Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering."

"Maybe the UN and NATO wouldn't be so upset with the Ukraine invasion if they weren't just Russian in?"

"Machine uprising? Ha! What can they do? Toaster gonna burn my bagel? Vending machine gonna steal my money? Like they do now... Holy shit."

"What's the difference between a pizza and a black man? A pizza can feed a family of four."