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Joke of the Day

"Why does the corn get mad at the farmer? Because he is always pulling on his ears."

"I didn't wear earrings for a long time and the holes closed, now I'm worried about my vagina."

"This guy at speed dating asked if I have any weird tattoos I was like lol not if you love The Golden Girls."

"What's the difference between Whitney Houston and Houston, TX? Houston, TX will once again reach 98 degrees."

"I got a tattoo on my penis that says ""TINY"" when I'm flaccid. When I'm erect, it says ""TICONDEROGA NY"""

"It's My First Cake Day and I'm Scrambling. How Does Moses Make his Tea? He Brews It!"

"Dry January is going really well. Even if everyone keeps saying that I need to shower."

"""You know who else loved carbs? Hitler."" - excerpt from my book How To Diet Through Shame & Manipulation"

"I apologized to the librarian if I appeared desperate, after all... I asked her to check me out..."

"What do you call your grandma on speed dial? Instragram!"