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Joke of the Day

"What's the deal with circles. They're pointless."

"""Your honor, I call Shakira's hips to the stand"" *looks at the defense* ""You guys are so fucked"""

"I was holding the door for an Asian guy and he said ""sank you."" So I punched him. Cant believe that he brought up Pearl Harbor lke that"

"Picture someone chasing down a ping pong ball that fell on the floor. Ok that's how I dance."

"I had consensual sex with a dementia sufferer... It was like HBO's Lost, it was okay when it started but by the end of it no one knew what was happening."

"What's a penguins favorite relative? His Aunt Artica!"

"I bet if Amy Winehouse had changed her name to Amy Lemonadehouse, she'd still be alive today."

"My wife and I had a real Fairytale wedding. A wolf killed her grandma during the ceremony and then we ate stolen porridge from some bears."

"Actors can get political in speeches if they want. Go for it. But imagine someone winning Wimbledon & going, ""Yay! I won! Save the whales!"""

"I am trying to get some help for my PTSD... But it always seems to be one flash forward and then two flashbacks."