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Joke of the Day

"One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody. At least, that's what my cell mate tells me."

"""This does not bode well."" - a guy at the returns desk, explaining why he's returning a boder."

"What do fat chicks and brick walls have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans."

"That awkward moment when you don't know what to do with your life when you leave the computer, so you just get back on."

"Gifts for the family Nephew- iPod Son- iPhone Father- iPad Mother-iRon"

"People act surprised when I tell them my grandfather survived the holocaust. Most of the guards survived didn't they?"

"What do you get when you push a piano out of the second floor window of an elementary school? A flat minor."

"Where is a pirates favorite place to shop for toys? Toys arrrrrr Us."

"My wife's leaving me because I'm too arrogant. I told her to close the door on her way back in."

"It would be great to be born on Earth and die on Mars. Preferably not on the point of impact."