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Joke of the Day

"I'm giving up self control for lent It's going to be so hard!"

"My girlfriend is like the square root of negative one hundred A perfect ten, but imaginary"

"A free corpse is a dead giveaway."

"[raises hand in English class] Why do we need to be learned English? ""Hmm.. Couldn't have worded that better myself, Luke"""

"People with stick figure families on their car: Oh look how cute we are! Criminals: I'll need 3 rolls of duct tape."

"[awful tragedy happens] me (rolling up sleeves): time to be an idiot online"

"I dropped my iPhone in water and now I'm unable to make phone calls. So basically it's the same as it was before."

"When my wife starts to sing I have to go out in the yard and work in the garden so the neighbors don't think domestic violence is happening."

"Well I guess it's time we change Philip Seymour Hoffman's name to Philip Seeyanomour Hoffman!"

"So a horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Why the long face?"" The horse responds, ""They wouldn't renew Sex and the City for another season."""