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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend is like the square root of negative one hundred A perfect ten, but imaginary"

"How can you tell that a straight pin is confused? Just look at it. It's headed in one direction and pointed in the other."

"When I was a kid the swear jar at my house was always empty because my sister was a goddamn fucking thief."

"When I open the Sriracha and a bunch squirts out on its own I tell it that it's okay, it happens to a lot of hot sauces."

"Getting Old- It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker."

"I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery... I've had it up to here with them."

"My friend died when she saw a wild ox wearing a knitted jumper. It was a Cardi Yak arrest."

"What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese phone call."

"What do they call a meeting among the most brilliant people in Burger Land? A MEATing of the minds!"

"Why did the punk cross the road. He was stapled to the chicken."