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Joke of the Day

"I dropped my iPhone in water and now I'm unable to make phone calls. So basically it's the same as it was before."

"What's 6.9? The share one gets in an oral-sex tensome."

"My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof. A joke my mate told me after an after-hours lesson."

"Why don't women like to wear dresses in the winter? Chapped lips"

"Jim ate my sandwich. It was clearly labeled. Jim's email is open on his PC. Jim's son now thinks he's adopted. The sandwich was LABELED."

"Spend hours getting screaming baby to sleep. Check on sleeping baby. Can't hear breathing...prod sleeping baby Repeat"

"When I was your age, I was outside all day until dark 15: The batteries on cell phones must have been a lot better back then Me: ........."

"Fred: You've got a Roman nose. Harry: Like Julius Caesar? Fred: No it's roamin' all over your face."

"I want my group project members to lower me into my grave.... ... So that they can let me down one last time."

"My kid is singing ""Mac-n-cheese"" to the tune of ""Stand by Me."" You guys just tried it, didn't you?"