74021

Joke of the Day

"[2 Humans who definitely aren't lizard people at Denny's] 1: I sure am glad they don't have newt brain on the menu 2: Right on, fellow human"

"Never look back. If Cinderella went back to pick up her shoe, she wouldn't have become a princess."

"CATCHING A SQUIRREL Q: How do you catch a squirrel? A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut."

"[OC] Girls who prefer ""dad bods""... Just want father figures in their lives."

"Warning: Dad Joke But it's a classic. Grasshopper walks into a bar and sits. Bartender says, ""Hey, we got a drink named after you."". Grasshopper says, ""Wow. You got a drink named Kevin?""."

"I did laundry for 7 miles according to my Fitbit that I accidentally washed and dried."

"Birdie birdie in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye I didn't cry I didn't sigh I thank god cows can't fly"

"*daughter reading *son playing ipod *dog sleeping *house quiet *I go take a dump FISTFIGHT BREAKS OUT, DOG'S ON FIRE"

"What does a cat say when he likes something? It's purrrfect."

"What is the direct competitor for Dungeons and Dragons? Helmets and Spades. Tee hee."