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Joke of the Day

"*daughter reading *son playing ipod *dog sleeping *house quiet *I go take a dump FISTFIGHT BREAKS OUT, DOG'S ON FIRE"

"Be nice to me or I will rain down Hell upon you when I start my blog."

"Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1000 bones in the human body? Larry: Shhh doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!"

"What's the difference... ...between Mick Jagger and an angry Scotsman? One says ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"" The other says ""Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"""

"Psycho ward break They were all apprehended quiet fast. Seems they were all logged on Reddit at the same time."

"Treadmills should just have one big button that says ""Make Me Look Good Naked."""

"What do you call phrases that Jews often say? Judaisms."

"Why wasn't Christ born in Ireland? Because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin."

"Everyone tells me I'm average... That's just mean."

"Why do the Romans use more eggs in their omelets than the French? Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many ovum. But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef."